FALL 2002

SCRAPS
dirty of years
accumulate from centuries
for a second I saw everything old
abandoned
I contemplated myself in a sea of putrefaction
it's not me
it's not my life
it's absurd
and in a such absurdity
everything is fulfilled
now is in peace the past
made of mistakes, joys and tears
the future makes sense
even if is not lived yet
but is loved already
I find my aim
accomplishing that contraddiction
I accomplish myself

***
ALMOST OFF FIRE

I wish you could listen those words
your words
who are you?
I don't know you yet
and you are already oppressing me
hidden love
made of if, but and maybe
show yourself like the sun
or the night
like a whirl made of quiet
or like a placid fire
nothing more!
I don't need you
I squeeze my life in my arms
protecting her from the await arrive
that upset and calm at the same time
more than the day
more than the water
green of gold
trought the heart of the world
a soft promise of happyness
is travelling
***
OPEN SKY

impossible explaining a quid
made of my same unease
born from the bright whirlpools
from the sleeping storms
in my soul
dreaming an american night
when everything seemed possible
thinking about that moments
is like I can look at them, one by one
they pass slow getting by fast
where are they taking me?
genius of the heights
light of my ancestors
let me feel, please,
what I cannot see
and love and kiss
what maybe a day I will touch

****
I let pass the days
pushing them toward the unknown
toward a sunset that is beauty

look and pass
but inside die, moment after moment
and is senseless, absurd and desperate
but is like that!
angry and disappointed
looking wrong the world
trying to love it at the same time

touch everything
every tought, every sigh
not the time though
that feel inside
while is scanning the infinitive
and countingdown to the end

***
OUTBURST I

I have to let them out
give them a shape
colour them with the red of my passion
with the black of my fear
with the white of my pallor
when I just think about you
I have to write in lines
what is persecuting me
what makes my life so lovely
and so hateful at the same time
I have to describe
my eyes wide open during night
and behind them
all my incoherent dreams telling about you
I need to take note of the annoyng pain
almost a burning
that takes me in the stomach
and doesn't leave me anymore
in the very same moment I'm sure
that you will not want me

II

every gesture is futile and senseless
why wake up?
if sleeping I can keep on looking at you
taking refuge between your arms
afraid and shaking
like when I was a girl
when I used to spend awake the night
imaging to be surrounded
by the most monstruous,
the most ruthless and wicked creatures
and then sleep, tiredness
came to bless my sick mind
came to cure me, sweet balm
the sound of your voice
the heat of your body
that gently rock me
singing a lullaby
so sad and dull
but so restful

III

remember that night like now
see again that scene like true
on the contrary it was a dream
but not in my mind
and my being was nourished by it
my senses and my soul
sipping slowly that hug
you
sweet dream
with a human look
you surrounded my fears,
my 16 years made of complex and uncertainty,
with the most passionate hug
has never embraced me
and in a second I saw my heart
join the night
just to plot behind you
another fleeting meeting like that one
to let me fly
beyond the heights

IV

so anguished remember people
that are with Death
but is even more mournful
remember when she took them
with her for ever
for ever
unfortunatly that was not a dream
was an unstoppable reality
indelible, uneliminated
written, read and read again
in the destiny's book
in such painful reality
I, little and hidden,
comforted your son's heart
left alone
in such bad world
so awful, so horrible
that at least
gave me you

V

wind is crazy, let the windows beat
and stir the fall leaves
in that autumn of love
make senseless gestures
like make me fall in love with you
and demand to be followed
in such stupidity
afoot the most sublime moments
like the most ill-omened
he wants take me away with him
crazy old
wants to sacrifice me on his altar
enlightened with scattered flowers
and raining petals
oh my sweet new love
maybe you will have me or maybe not
my mind hang in the balance
between madness and wisdom
and pick the second cause she wants it
and fall in the first
cause she cannot do without

VI

reckless
just for another praise
I will resist looking straight in your eyes
and telling you what I have inside
that neither I know
finding a name
an adjective
an article
for that eager mania
for that incontinence never repressed
for that beneficial outlet
for that love
that posses me all
and I, unhappy and incomplete,
let him posses me
conscoius that later
sure,certain and proof
I will regret it
and want forget your existence
so pleasant and sad to me
at the same time

VII

come to me
another time, the last one
stay by my side
life dream
craved sigh
with a soft squeeze
with a look more penetrating than my night
now enlightened by only one star
that instead of showing the way
is making me vagabonding
miserable from the land of desire
to that of not fulfilment
from the reckless lands of love
to those bare of ignorance
from that cosy land of poem
to that inhospitable of anxiety
that drag me in this world
now turn beautiful
just because of your presence

***

old and sick
unable to love
you suck
more terrible of every disaster
is hating himself
you come decrepit
and cry
I'm not even pityful for you anymore
and I hate even those lines
cause I can see myself between them
crazy and tired
the moment I was so afraid of
arrived
I went crazy
now, I'm sorry for me
but I can hurt myself so badly
and so rightly
crazy like the wind
raging like a foul